Since I just finished watching my nightly fix of Sex and the City on the wonderful Cosmo network which loops the seasons (I think I’ve watched the series 3 times in a row now), I figured that’s exactly what I’d write about. Basically me and my friends decided that our lives mirror those of the fabulous four, based on our hobbies, style, and of course relationships. I am Carrie Bradshaw. Not only do I love to write in my spare time and appreciate a good pair of shoes, but I also have my very own notorious Big. 

You ever get that feeling? 

Non de-script I know…

The feeling that you could be doing more; that you arn’t doing enough.. that others and doing more, bigger and better?

Yup. Happening right now. 

I have recently come to terms with my first love. 

In elementary school we all had “girlfriends” and “boyfriends”, these didn’t mean anything and maybe there were a kiss on the cheek or a holding hands walk but still. Nothing. 

For most people, this is the same throughout high school but for some lucky or, in my case, unlucky people they meet someone.When I was in grade 8/9 I fell in love.

At the time I thought to myself this is soo stupid. It just a crush. However the feelings persisted and grew until there were all that I was. Then I found out, they were not reciprocated. 

They dated other people, and every time I would get more and more furious. Not so much with them but more with myself.  

We aren’t really friends anymore. In honesty we stopped being good friends in grade 11 because it was to hard for me.

We may not be friends but I am still bitter. 

They never found out. 

Lately, me and my brother have been getting a lot closer. We’ve started hanging out more and talking about serious things, like relationship advice and our past teenage rebellion. I think this is a nice change from our usual ‘let’s just fuck with everything and everyone’ way of doing things because its proving that we both are able to be lovely mature human beings. I’m really glad that we’re growing out of our argumentative sibling rivalry phase and into a functional adult-ish one, and hope we continue to get closer.

Yay siblings!

The problem with having a crush is just that. Having a crush. It is a vile mind trick that your brain plays on you just so you feel like an idiot. 

Yes. It is safe to say that I have a crush. 

I will now resort to point form to emphasize the problem with this. 

1. My crush is in a relationship. 
2. My crush sends me mixed signals that make me CRAZY. Not crazy as in attracted, crazy as in I DON’T UNDERSTAND. 
3. When I text me crush and they don’t text back all I can think about is why they don’t text back. This is not good for productivity. 
4. My friends keep telling me not to get myself into this but I guess I’m a masochist. 

Moral is. Crushes are stupid. 

Like boy, I’ve been super busy too! Not to worry though, we’re back and ready to blog the shit outta this place.

I am going on my first real, legitimate date with a handsome funny guy for the first time in forever. When I say forever, I mean for like the first time in like a year and a half when I was in a relationship with my first real, legitimate boyfriend. I forgot how thrilling it is to be interested in someone and to have that interest returned, but also how scary knowing next to nothing about someone and putting yourself out there really is.

I have five days to get my shit together.

Shit.

Sorry guys, I have been a busy boy. 

Work, School, Work.. such is life.  

The other day I was at work, I teach swimming lessons, and a Dad came up to me. He told me that his daughter, who was 6, had to do a painting about what she likes most about her dad. When she finished, she told the teacher that her favourite thing about her dad was when he drove her to swimming lesions with teacher boy. 

This made my month. She gave me the painting. 

This is a bitchy rant. 

Today was shity. Like really freaking shitty. For starters I had the worst sleep of my life last night. I went to bed at 9:40 but didn’t fall asleep till after 12, then woke up at 3:30 and tossed and turned until 5. Eventually I gave up and got out of bed at 8:30. If you know me you probably know that I need my 8+ hours otherwise I turn in to a cranky bitch. Guess what I was today?

I then got dressed and ate breakfast and stuff, then went to do my hair. It just wasn’t working and turned out looking horrible. I struggled with it for a good half hour until realizing I had to go to school in 4 minutes. I quickly boiled the kettle and put my tea bag in to steep but didn’t have enough time to take it out, so I didn’t. I left my house and ran to the bus stop.

My bus was late. 18 minutes late. It was after the 15 minute mark though when I decided to start jogging to the skytrain station because I thought I missed it. When I got passed the next stop however I saw it coming, thus I booked it across the street. Did I mention I was wearing heels?

As the day went on little things continued to piss me off - my tea bag broke so I got a mouth full of leaves, Tim Hortons didn’t have any of the bagels I wanted, I fell off the 99 and twisted my ankle, I could go on forever. The icing on the cake however was this dumb fuck on facebook who I was once romantically involved with dissing my school. The physical fact that he made a comment doesn’t piss me off, its the fact that he’s being a passive aggressive little shit posting about it simply because he knows I’ll see it. He told me he does that kinda shit the last time we were drunk together. I keep having to remind myself that he is truly the least important person in my life and that this is just another cry for my attention, it just pisses me off. Fuck.

I know these are the biggest first world pains ever, but honestly I don’t even care. I told you this was a bitchy rant.

PS BOY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Today was a low self esteem day.

-I felt stupid doing math, I don’t like feeling stupid. 

-I felt stupid talking to the person I like. 

-I felt stupid.

I don’t like feeling stupid.